Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
