so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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