I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
