Your face is a jimmy john
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
