Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
