you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
