If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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