Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
