I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
