When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
