I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Having a random hookup so left but love u
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
