I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
