We're facebook friends in real life
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The ass gains better be worth it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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