What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
