were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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