Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she told me i tasted like america
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
