too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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