I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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