dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
