Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's a naked man in my car right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
