dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
