my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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