Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And then he peed in my hair
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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