Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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