using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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