i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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