So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
