so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
