we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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