a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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