Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
