I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
