Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
