You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
