i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
