I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
