you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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