piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
