I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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