remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
