If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
