Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
