I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
