Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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