Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
