My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
