I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
