her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
