We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
