A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
